Evan Rudowski: Web Transplant

Graffiti: 19th-Century Version

One of the many pleasures of living in a place like Bath, England, is walking in the footsteps of the people who came before -- the same footsteps, in the same places, preserved and still lived-in.

A short walk from our flat is the Kennet & Avon Canal, the nearby section of which was built in 1810. Once used for commercial navigation, it now is a lovely waterway upon which canal boats putter past as walkers and bicyclists amble along -- stopping for refreshment at fantastic pubs like The George in Bathampton.

Under the stone bridges that cross the canal one can find carved into the walls graffiti left by previous walkers. But this graffiti is as much as 200 years old.

On our walk yesterday we stopped to take a closer look. "Were they naughty teenagers?" asked my five-year-old son.

"Probably," I answered, "but two centuries ago."  My son ran on ahead, little burdened by the passage of time.

These graffiti artists were never celebrated like Banksy is today, and are now lost to time. But interestingly, they took great care when carving their legacies into the cream-colored Bath stone. Most impressively, they used a serif font, or great flowery flourishes.

 They did very good work. And maybe afterward they stopped at The George for a drink.

Earning British Citizenship

The British Government today has proposed new rules for migrants who wish to earn British citizenship.

Luckily my wife, J, and I got in under the wire a few years ago before the issue came up. We didn’t need to pass any tests although we did have to go to one of the newly introduced American-style swearing-in ceremonies.

It was American-style except perhaps for the giant portrait of Her Majesty the Queen serenely gazing upon us. We were required to swear, or affirm (our choice), our loyalty to her – which we didn’t mind much, as she’s a fairly likable old lady.

Under the new rules, migrants will be required to demonstrate proficiency in the language. J and I have got this covered – we already say “trousers” rather than “pants” and when I am in a traffic dispute I instinctively give the two-fingered salute rather than the raised middle finger of my hometown, New York.

Still, it’s useful sometimes to take on a more American tone such as when a taxi bumped me as I was walking in front of Bath Spa station and the driver said something like, “Watch where you’re going, you wanker,” to which I turned around and shouted “asshole!!” in my most disdainful New York accent.

That shut him up, along with the majority of people milling around nearby. It was so easy to do there in Bath Spa, knowing the odds of being shot at for it were so much lower than back home.

While (or whilst) I’m on the subject: although we are now speaking British English, I have to admit that the term “wanker” merely makes me giggle, whereas it’s apparently quite a severe insult to the British ear. Maybe that’s because in New York “asshole” is on the mild end of the spectrum of potential insults and in that context “wanker” almost seems like a term of endearment.

For a while I did have trouble telling "bollocks" from "bollards." This caused some confusion once when I was driving with my business partner M and I cautioned him to avoid bumping into the nearby bollocks.

I have subsequently come to understand that bollocks are really very different from bollards. In this particular case, it is not all much of a muchness, as the Brits would say. Actually, they’re like chalk and cheese. You may want to look them up yourself.

Back to the proposed new immigration law. The Government wants migrants to “prove their worth.” The Prime Minister -- who may or may not be a wanker, depending on who you ask -- argues that migrants should make a “demonstration of commitment” to the UK. They can do this by proving they are “active” citizens, perhaps engaging in charity work or becoming involved in their local communities.

Let’s hope they do not apply this standard to natural-born British citizens, or millions of people are going to need to be cleared out.

Still, it is true that new citizens are often more committed to their adopted country than natives. They are more appreciative of the opportunity afforded them by their chosen home, and they try to make the most of those opportunities.

On this basis, the new proposals are not necessarily a load of bollocks. Or bollards. Whatever.

Defence! Defence!

American sport seems to be captivating the British imagination lately, whether it's the U.S. presidential election, or tonight's Super Bowl XLII.

Previously relegated to terrestrial Channel Five, which can only reach roughly 70 percent of the UK population, tonight's Super Bowl will air on BBC2, a dramatic indication of the extent of interest here. The BBC website has a helpful guide to the basics of American football, including talk about "Offence" and "Defence."

And there's a local angle; as the BBC has pointed out, two of the players "on the pitch" (that's the field to you Americans) were born British.

Of course here in Bath as in many other parts of the UK the sport is rugby, which many observers (myself included) consider to be more rough and gutsy than American football. Rugby is non-stop, in the dirt and mud, with no padding whatsoever; by comparison, NFL football players seem cosseted in their helmets and padding, with the frequent time-outs, clock stoppages and commercial breaks allowing them to catch their breath.

The one uniquely American innovation, and it's a good one: cheerleaders.

We Americans also like to start our sporting events with pageantry and patriotism -- hence the singing of the Star Spangled Banner (which celebrates the inability of the British to take Fort McHenry, and is sung to the tune of an old British drinking song) -- this year by Jordin Sparks, winner of the British-produced "American Idol".

Kick-off will be in a few minutes, at 11:30 p.m. UK time. As a native New Yorker, I'll be rooting for the Giants to win -- if I can manage to stay awake long enough to watch.

Super Bowl XLII -- best wishes from Britain for a cracking good match.